At first, it was just tennis. Harmless, sweaty tennis. Rick—mid-40s, overly tan, and still wearing his college team hat like it’s not from 1997—got paired with Marla for Thursday Night Mixed Doubles. Marla: classic club queen. Pilates body, fresh highlights every week, and a laugh that could shatter a wine glass at 50 feet.

They played well. Too well. Like, let’s-practice-three-times-a-week well. And suddenly they’re spending more time together than Rick does with his actual wife, Deb, who was too busy organizing the Club’s Member-Member luncheon to notice—at first.

Then came the warning signs. Matching outfits at the mixer (“Oh my god, we both wore navy?!”), inside jokes no one else understood, and one fateful moment during a tight tiebreaker when Rick gave Marla a congratulatory hug that lasted about two seconds too long. Everyone saw it. Everyone pretended they didn’t. But the damage was done.

The real fireworks came the next morning. Deb found a text thread on Rick’s phone with Marla titled “Doubles Partners ❤️” that included a selfie of them at the court… and a heart emoji. A. Heart. Emoji. By lunchtime, Deb was sobbing in the ladies’ locker room and Rick was sleeping at the Four Seasons. Meanwhile, Marla’s husband—poor Brad, who just wanted to play paddle and be left alone—canceled their membership faster than you can say “Code Violation.”