We’ve all heard them. Those laughably ridiculous, eye-roll-worthy excuses players pull out after getting thumped on the court. Because apparently, it’s never their fault. It’s the weather, the strings, the fact that Venus was in retrograde. Anything but the simple truth: they got outplayed. Welcome to the hilarious world of tennis excuses, where accountability takes a back seat to delusion. Here are the 10 craziest ones I’ve heard — and trust me, some of these are gold.
1. “The Sun Was in My Eyes”
Ah, the classic “sun” excuse. Because, apparently, you’re the only one playing under that blinding ball of fire. Never mind that your opponent somehow managed to hit clean winners in the exact same conditions. Nope, you were blinded by the cosmic injustice of it all. Pro tip: the sun exists. Bring a hat and move on.
2. “The Wind Kept Changing Directions”
Yes, wind can be tricky. But let’s be honest—if you’re spraying forehands into the parking lot, it’s probably not because of a gentle breeze. Blaming the wind is a time-honored tradition for players who don’t want to admit their footwork is about as steady as a baby giraffe’s first steps.
3. “My Strings Feel Off”
This one’s a favorite among the gear snobs who like to pretend they’re just one restring away from playing like Nadal. “Oh, my strings feel dead today,” they’ll say, as if that’s why they’re shanking every volley into the net. Spoiler alert: It’s not the strings. It’s you.
4. “I Didn’t Get Enough Sleep Last Night”
Sure, we all have off days. But if your opponent doesn’t want to hear about your kids waking you up at 3 a.m. or how you stayed up binge-watching Netflix, maybe keep it to yourself. Tired or not, you signed up to play. Grab a coffee and stop whining.
5. “My Opponent’s Game Is So Boring”
Translation: “I can’t handle someone who doesn’t feed me the exact pace and spin I want.” This is the excuse of choice for players who refuse to adapt. They’ll complain about “pushers” and “moonballers” instead of realizing that winning ugly is still winning. Don’t like it? Tough.
6. “The Courts Are Too Fast/Slow”
Funny how the courts always seem to be the wrong speed when someone loses. If it’s a hard court, it’s “too fast.” If it’s clay, it’s “too slow.” Newsflash: the courts didn’t magically change overnight. Maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t the surface.
7. “I’m Still Recovering from My Workout Yesterday”
Ah, the “I’m too fit for my own good” excuse. This one’s popular with the gym rats who want you to know just how hardcore they are. “Oh, yeah, I did leg day yesterday, so my movement’s a little off.” Sure, buddy. Or maybe you’re just slow today because… you’re slow.
8. “The Balls Are Too Heavy/Light”
Apparently, tennis balls have the magical ability to sabotage your game while leaving your opponent’s completely unaffected. Whether they’re “too heavy” or “too light,” blaming the balls is peak excuse-making. Let’s be honest—if you’re blaming the felt, you’ve run out of better options.
9. “I Was Distracted by That Noise”
Whether it’s a car horn, a barking dog, or someone opening a bag of chips, some players will latch onto any tiny sound and claim it threw off their entire game. Meanwhile, their opponent’s out there crushing it, unbothered by the same ‘distractions.’ Maybe work on your focus?
10. “I’m Just Not Feeling It Today”
The ultimate cop-out. This excuse is the tennis equivalent of throwing your hands up and saying, “Eh, whatever.” It’s what players say when they’ve run out of other excuses and just want to bail on taking responsibility altogether. Not feeling it? Fine. But at least give your opponent some credit for beating you fair and square.
